Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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