You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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