tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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