I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
