i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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