I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
