I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
