i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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