You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
