In the future we'll all be gay
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
