This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
