DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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