dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
