We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
