Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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