Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
