I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
