god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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