I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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