funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
