ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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