Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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