You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My pussy is not your playground.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
