I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
