I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
