Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
