ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
