Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Someone signed my nipple.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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