exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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