508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
