I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
