well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
