my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
