I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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