He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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