literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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