I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
