Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Panties = found
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
