Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
