after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
