I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
