So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
