And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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