Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
