and you said cock pushups were impossible
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
