If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
