Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
