Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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