They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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