dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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