he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it glows. i had to have it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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