I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
